Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Challenge Blog Carnival: Week #1 Creating Awareness.
This post was written for inclusion in the 10 week Peaceful Parenting Challenge Blog Carnival hosted by Prenatal to Parenting. This week our participants have written about creating awareness. We hope you enjoy this week’s posts and consider joining us next week when we share about a week of Mindful Breathing.
Two weeks ago, I mentioned that I was going to take part in the 10 week Peaceful Parenting Challenge that Sarah at Prenatal to Parenting was putting on. I talked about how I was nervous and didn’t think I had time, but also, how I would be very honest with you about how each of these challenges went for me. So here goes!
Week #1 – Creating Awareness
This week was all about paying attention to your triggers. What makes you upset. What “drives you crazy”. The key was to simply notice these emotions and keep track of them.
This week was a little bit “easier” for me, as Eric had taken the kids to visit his family earlier this week and I’m off to join them today. While I didn’t have them around, I did find it gave me lots of time to contemplate my parenting style.
I have always considered myself to be a very patient person. When I get upset, I do my best not to yell, even if inside all I want to do is SCREAM. Years of karate training has taught me how to control a lot of my emotions and to never let them be seen on the outside. This is not always a good skill to have, but it does come in handy when trying to deal with toddler behaviours that are driving you around the bend!
The first time I noticed myself getting worked up this week, is when I was trying to clean my house before company arrived. I’m not sure what Eric was doing, but I felt it wasn’t what he “should” be doing. I was trying to clean the kitchen and I had Tehya running around my feet, whining and desperately trying to get my attention because she wanted a cuddle. So I picked her up and continued to try and clean one handed, all the while seething inside, because, “why couldn’t she just leave me alone for 10 more minutes… and what the h**l was Eric doing!” What I recognize here is that I hold myself to impossibly high standards. Standards that I would never dream of putting on my friends. Standards that include, working more than full time, looking after two girls, preparing healthy meals, staying on top of laundry, and my yard, still finding time in there to visit with friends and have a “social life”, all the while having a perfectly immaculate house. So not realistic. The hardest part for me, is when I see my house in disarray, I feel like I’m failing and I don’t like it. It’s the “OMG, what will people think?” comment that keeps running through my head that I have a really hard time with. Especially given the fact that I never judge a friend when I go over and their house looks just as lived in as mine. I recognized that I need to cut myself a little slack.
I noticed that I have a really hard time when the kids whine. Whining for me is like nails on a chalkboard. It grates on my nerves. It makes me want to scream. This is also a lot harder to deal with when I’m tired, which is a perpetual state of being for most parents. I usually deal with it with deep breaths and bending down, looking my kids in the eye and saying “Ella (or Tehya), mommy doesn’t like it when you whine. If you could please use your words and tell me what you want, that would be better for both of us, as you know you don’t get what you want when you whine.” Getting some more sleep would probably help too!
The last trigger I noticed this week is not feeling supported. Not feeling like Eric was doing what I needed him to do. However, lets be realistic for a minute… I also didn’t tell him what I needed him to do. I just expected him to either read my mind, or instinctively know what it was that was most important to do. This isn’t fair. Not to him. Not to me. So now I need to learn how to ask for help…
I would love to hear how the week went for you. What did you find were your triggers? You can share your experiences either in the comment section below (all comments are moderated, so if you haven’t commented on the blog before, your comment won’t show up right away) or on the Facebook Page for the event. You can also check out these posts from some of the other people sharing their experiences with this journey.
Have a fantastic weekend and I’m looking forward to week #2 of this challenge!
Balancing being a stay-at-home-mom & working from home – Sarah from Prenatal to Parenting realizes her home base business and mommy duties don’t mix well.
Ricky at Daddy Blogger reflects on how peaceful the first year of his daughter’s life was and wonders where all that peace has gone.