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Letting Go

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn as a parent is when to let go. When to let my kids make decisions for themselves. As a parent, I’ve never believed that I “own” my children. Yes, I carried them, and nurtured them and love them with all my heart… but they are individuals, with their own mind and their own opinions. This has been evident to me from their birth and I know this will continue as they grow. My sole purpose as their mom is to teach them and guide them as best I can. To give them all the information that they need to make their decision and then let go. This is sometimes easier said than done.

Ever since Ella got her hair cut and donated it for her birthday, Tehya’s been asking me to get her hair cut. So last week, when I was in getting my hair cut, I asked Rianne, if she would be willing to cut Tehya’s hair and she said she’d be happy to… but, honestly, I was worried. Tehya’s a wiggler at the best of times. She’s the quintessential pre-schooler. Loves to explore. Loves to move. Loves to be busy… but I made the appointment anyway.

When I got home that afternoon, I checked with Tehya to see if she still wanted to get her haircut. She was most excited with the idea, so I started talking to her about what to expect. We looked at photos and I asked her how short she wanted to go. She told me she wanted her hair to be like mommy’s. Again, I worried a little that she didn’t really understand what this meant, so I kept showing her photos and she kept picking out pixie cuts.

She was so excited when we arrived at the salon yesterday. She could hardly contain herself. She sat very still while Rianne cut off her ponytail. (10 inches of hair to donate 🙂 )

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At this point, we asked again, if she was sure she wanted hair like mommy’s… and she did. I love her serious little expression here. Despite being very outgoing with family and people she knows well, she can tend to be a little shy around strangers, so it’s hard work to get a smile!

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This was also the last photo I managed to get at the salon. The next 30 minutes was spent trying to help Rianne keep her still. I felt awful. She wasn’t fussing about the hair coming off, it was more that the hair was tickling her neck and nose. We tried several methods of distraction and somehow, we managed to get through it. Again, I’m so grateful to all the amazing staff at Moz’s Hair Salon. They were so patient with Tehya and made her feel welcome, despite her loud protests at times! Rianne, thank you once again, for the amazing job you did. I’m so grateful for your kindness and your talent! You took a very challenging situation and made it work. I’m so very grateful.

Just because you need a comparison… here’s Tehya’s before photo. It’s from our camping trip a few weeks ago, but you can really see how long her hair was.

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I wish I had a photograph of Tehya checking herself out in the mirror when she was all done. Her smile was huge and she spent the rest of the day telling everyone we came across that she’d just gotten her hair cut. She’s super excited with it.

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But I’m curious… what do you think?

I’m actually a little torn. I LOVE the cut and I think it suits her. I’m also really looking forward to not having to fight with her every morning & every night to brush out her tangles. I’m looking forward to spending less time washing, drying and looking after her hair… but there’s a very small part of me that’s worried. Worried that people will think she looks like a boy. That people will judge me for allowing a three year old to make her own decision about the length of her hair. That at some point in the very near future, she won’t be as excited with the cut. Then, there’s the rational side of me that says, none of these worries matter. That she’s smart enough to know what she wants to do with her own hair, who cares if anyone thinks she looks like a boy, and who cares what people think about my parenting choices… but the other side of me still worries. I know, I just need to let go. To know that I made the right decision for her. That she’ll be so much happier without her hair constantly getting in her way. That it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I think may take a couple of days, but I’ll figure out how to let this go as well!

Have a great weekend!

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13 Responses to Letting Go

  1. Pingback: Tehya's Four and a Half | Kalem Photography

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