Last night, when I wrote in the girls journals, it started something like this “There are moments as a parent that really suck…” It went on to describe how Ella had fallen twice yesterday from the slide that Eric had built. This resulted in a couple of small bruises on her nose and under her eye and several bruises on her back. As for Tehya… she happened to come up behind me, as I was lifting Ella off the top of the slide. I didn’t know she was there, so as I backed up with Ella in my arms, I knocked Tehya over onto the cement and she did a face plant. As I’m desperately trying not to completely lose my balance and fall on top of her or drop Ella, it felt like I stepped on her hand. All of this left her with blood pouring out of her mouth, a scraped up nose and a fat lip.
I wanted to cry. It’s hard “letting go” and allowing your kids to become more independent… as it sometimes means that they fall and get hurt. It’s hard to know that sometimes a movement you make is the cause of the accident. It’s hard to not to feel “stupid” or like you’re a complete failure, when in fact, you’re not.
As I tucked Ella into bed last night and she asked for a cuddle, she looked up and said, “I love you momma!” In that moment, I realized just how sweetly innocent our children really are. They don’t “blame” us for the mistakes that we make. They don’t see our faults. All they see is the love we have for them and how safe they feel in our arms. The tricky part is remembering this when you feel like crying.